I am very heartbroken to say this funeral was for a 7 1/2 month old baby boy. Sweetest little boy, Logan, and I was only able to hold him a few times. The mother of this sweetheart little boy is my cousin but also one of my best friends and my heart ached, aches and will ache for her, her husband and their two daughters. Visiting the house and seeing his room was difficult-- brings back so many memories of celebrating his arrival, decorating the nursery-- but not as hard as holding her while she cried or hearing of his last day. I touched on this in my last TT post about my children because at times like this it's impossible not to take stock of your life, your blessings. And I have mentioned over and over in my blog posts since Maggie's birth how blessed we are to celebrate month after month of her life and despite her difficulties, she is here. And that is a gift certainly worth celebrating.
How does it make sense that a parent should have to bury their child? Particularly one who hasn't reached his first birthday. Many non-believers think God could not possibly exist when babies are dying or what kind of cruel God would take a young child from his parents or allow them to suffer? Well, it's because God does not create evil -- sin came into the world and evil is its by-product. He did not want pain or death for us; God is love. In fact, He loves us so much, He sent his only son to bear our punishment so that we may have life again. Until He comes again, we feel pain and sorrow as a result of the mess we made- it was a choice- and we chose unwisely. Did Logan commit a sin himself? No, and now he does not have to suffer in this life like we do. He left a big hole in our lives for sure-- particularly for his immediate family-- those of us who still live suffer his passing. But it's time like these we must cling to God so fervently and rely on his love and strength and comfort to hold us up when we cannot do so ourselves. I just have to say, I am so proud of my cousin. She spoke to me several times about having faith and trusting that God has a plan and reason for all this and has a certain peace about her that can only come from resting in Jesus Christ. In fact she said to us at one point, "am I crazy?!!?" which is exactly how Daniel and I felt after Maggie was born. It's not possible to have that much peace through all the pain of our own accord. He gives it to us. You've read the footprints poem...it's the most difficult times in our lives when he carries us. She's reading her bible, digging into the Word and she and her husband are seeking church membership. God is already working in their lives and it's wonderful to see. The circumstances, of course, are not wonderful but God is the living water and all who are thirsty shall come to Him. He is quenching their thirst and I have complete faith and trust that if they continue this road by His side and in His arms, they will grow and reach a peace they have never before known. His Word does not promise we'll live without difficulties-- in fact it says all over scripture that believers will suffer for His sake-- but he does promise to be with us, to stay by our side, if we'll have Him, if we lean on Him and give all our problems to Him, big and small.
Aside from witnessing spiritual growth and a believer's peace, the good thing about being in St. Louis was bringing in the new year with my STL family. This hasn't happened since before Daniel and I were engaged. Sadly, traveling that far during the holidays has become increasingly difficult. Some shots of the party:
my aunt Rose with the jar I made her - well personalized-
I don't know how to make glass
hangin' out in the play room
Our wonderful hostess, my aunt Cheri, on the right
boys against girls!
almost time!
This is beautiful. I do think it is these times when you truly learn how to lean on God because you can't do it. I know it isn't like a child, but I felt that same peace when Kristopher died, like Jesus picked me up and carried me until I could walk again and hold his hand. It is these things that truly teach us to put all our trust in Him because He can do it when we can't.
ReplyDeleteThank you, exactly! And I think it's very difficult to quantify death. Losing two people isn't the same but it was still difficult for you. I think God knows that and so he picks us up!
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