I'm thankful for God's Grace & Redemption.
It's all about the Cross. The cross does away with all our religion, all our rituals, all our "me" because it's not about us but Jesus.
"But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world." Galatians 6:14. (emphasis added by me)
He sent his only son-- all God, all man-- to die a horrible death after living a perfect life. For me! For you! Can you comprehend that? It's amazing. We cannot DO anything to impress God or deserve eternal life. It is only by His Grace, not our works, that grants us a place in eternity. FOR-E-VER is impossible to wrap our heads around as finite beings but we can stand in awe of Him and what He does and glorify Him in all we do!! The Cross. Our redemption. By grace alone, by faith alone, in Christ alone. Alone alone alone. I know it may be hard to understand there's nothing we can do, but we can't and the best news: we don't have to. Because he already did it! Jesus paid for our sins with his blood.
I've been a believer for a long time but looking back on where I was 5 years ago, 1 year ago, even 1 week ago, compared to now, there's been a huge change. I'm an open book about a lot of things, but a pretty private person with the most intimate details of my life. However, I want to share what happened to me over the last couple days in hopes that you Get it. So stay with me (I can get winded sometimes:)
If you're reading, you know that Maggie nearly died during child birth. By all medical reasonsing she should be gone and it's a miracle only by God's hand that she's here with us today. We've been trusting God and resting in him but last week when I found out Maggie qualified for the Early Intervention program a part of me was hurt that she does need the help. I'm grateful we're able to get it, but no parent wants to see their child struggle. I prayed a lot that day and felt better and the more I prayed each day, the better I felt that Maggie was going to be fine. Then a few days later Daniel and I were privately discussing our Saviour and all that he's done when Daniel laid it out: "What if God does not heal Maggie and his glory is found in her being mentally handicapped?"
BAM.
God has a way of speaking to me through Daniel like that sometimes. What if? One of the most feared phrases in the English language. What if??!!? I tell you this tore me apart more and more as I reflected on it the next couple days. As I worked through my internal struggle, I found that I was just as, if not more, upset at the thought that I may not be happy with God if he didn't heal our daughter. Do I not really love God? Is my love for him conditional? If my joy is truly found in the health of Maggie (or anything on this earth really) can I truly call myself a believer in Christ? For our joy is to be found only in Him!! Not in things of this world because "my flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26. I felt so faithless, I didn't go anywhere or talk to anyone, just sulked.
The other night Daniel approached me again, we discussed how I felt and I cried and just felt terrible that I felt terrible. Then he left and I fell apart, I mean I cried so hard my face hurt; I was wrecked. I prayed and prayed and prayed and a peace began to fall over me, a different kind of peace, the kind that I've heard people talk about when they truly hand things over to God, the kind I thought I previously found but hadn't. And something changed- other people were laid on my heart and I prayed for them (not that I haven't prayed for others before)- it wasn't about me and my needs/wants/desires because I was at peace with those. I think this went on for an hour when I finally got up and could barely open my swollen eyes from all the crying. I felt good. Really good. And while I still prayed for Maggie's healing-- because there is nothing inherently wrong with that-- I didn't NEED it to be happy or feel peace. God gave me that.
I had received an email from my sister-in-law stating she had a "strong feeling" to pray for us over the weekend and mentioned specific things I was struggling with days prior and prayed for Maggie's complete healing. Then a friend texted me out of the blue just to see how I was doing. Then our prayer request list went out asking that Maggie get a spot in Hand In Hand Early Intervention and moments later I received a call that she was accepted!!! These events were not a coicindence or accident or fate- they were of God to reveal His glory. His timing is so perfect-- if he had not given me peace the night before, I would have found it when I received that phone call and put my faith and trust in Early Intervention instead of our Almighty Saviour. Am I happy Maggie was accepted? Of course, I'm still her mom and want what's best for her, but it's soooo much bigger than that. I should mention I was 'supposed' to receive that call two days before I got it and that Maggie has been making improvements- however small they may be- in areas of concern. And that's what Christ does. He takes you when you're just wrecked, completely broken, reveals himself to you and changes you. That's what happened to me. And it's amazing. He loves me THAT much. That much? Is she crazy? Enough to make you suffer, uncertain, feeling broken? Yes!!! Quoting my husband here, is ice cream not sweeter after a drink of bitter coffee? We are helpless and God is gracious and "...shows his love for us that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
May we all reflect on this as we celebrate this holy week, Good Friday and Easter Sunday (Resurrection Day). It's THAT important-- the ONLY thing that's important-- and I pray you acknowledge it as such in your home.
